Romney's on the Job

October 31, 2012
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Mitt Romney today assumed a leadership role in the private sector’s response to Hurricane Sandy. As he waved farewell to the 14 foot rental truck carrying Walmart diapers and candy bars, purchased by his campaign staff so the truck wouldn’t appear to be empty, he praised all those who’d brought cans of pureed pumpkin and sardines to his Ohio political rally, I mean his Relief Effort, for the unfortunate residents of New Jersey.

Romney has now turned his attention to New York City, where he will lead a small group of Wall Street bankers and stock brokers, armed with Starbucks cups, to the subway to begin bailing the 30 to 40 feet of brackish and contaminated water. “You can’t really breathe for more than a minute down there, so we’ll have to hold our noses. Fortunately, Republicans are skilled at holding our noses. I mean, they’re supporting me, right? Ha, ha…ha.”

Climbing on the roof of a semi-submerged car he grabbed the microphone and smiled for the reporters from Fox News clinging to streetlamps all around him. “It just shows you, in tough times like these the private sector is ready to jump right in there and do their bit. Who needs FEMA if you’ve got a Starbucks cup?”

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